Does anyone else’s dog tend to eat their own poop!?!?!? How can I get her to stop!?!! Please help!!!
Hello! What is the proper way to clean my females {sic} private area? It gets very dark.
That was my wake-up call. The last straw. The fact that I spent 15 minutes reading the comments, was the tipping point; I needed to take Facebook off my phone. I’ve got a mere 1768 weeks left on this earth if I’m lucky enough to make it to the female life expectancy of 83.9 years, and I’m pissing away my morning immersed in a post about removing urine stains from a Golden Doodles hoo hoo. How did this happen? Sure, I bought a Golden Doodle, but that’s not really the problem. Unlike the days of yore, where one might go to the library and take out a book or two about a topic, in this case Golden Doodles, I joined a Facebook group for Golden Doodle ‘parents.’ After poring over the archives for hours, I discovered that nothing was off the table. There was such a broad array of topics covered, I figured that I might as well fire up the popcorn machine and surrender the rest of my evening to doodle banter.
I discovered many things that evening. Don’t feed your dog grapes; they will die. Don’t spay your dog before she’s 18 months or she will be prone to cancer and sore hips. Set aside time EVERY day to brush AND comb your dog, or they will be a matted mess that will require shaving. NEVER leave socks or underwear on the floor or anywhere else accessible to your doodle or your dog will eat them and die – or at the very least require $10,000 surgery. Don’t feed your doodle pig ears, or they will get pancreatitis.
The photo gallery included photos of bowel movements gone wrong, oozing rashes, swollen gums, and yes, stained hoo hoos.
Sure, some of this information was useful, but what was it doing to my mental health? My doodle had already scarfed down a bag of pig ears in less than a week, and I hadn’t brushed her in a six days. Do I really need to wait another year before she gets spayed? What if she gets knocked up by an overzealous cocker spaniel at the kennel? It was an honest concern. Is the Cockadoodle a legitimate breed or does that only involve roosters? I googled it. Dear God, it’s legit, and they’re cute as hell. After my five minute fantasy of making $24,000 on a litter of 8, I called my vet to see if there was a form of birth control for dogs. Did it have side effects, like moodiness or weight gain?
“Do you want to book an appointment for a spay?” the vet tech replied.
“No. I’m wondering if there are oral contraceptives for dogs. Like a pill she can take,” I said.
“We have next Tuesday available for a spay,” she replied.
Sheesh. This vet tech just didn’t get it.
I went online and found out there are no oral contraceptives for dogs approved in Canada. Maybe I should put her in a doggie diaper next time she goes to the kennel. I added doggie diapers to my Amazon wish list. And that got me thinking about how simple life was before Facebook groups. Ignorance was bliss, we just didn’t know it. We just booked the spay and went on with our day.
Not only is the burgeoning river of information from Facebook groups, instagram feeds and TikTok videos causing us to be angry, anxious and less confident in our own decisions, it’s a distraction that will smother our dreams before they have a chance to be conceived. Daydreaming has been bludgeoned to death. Idle musing has gone the way of DVD’s and pay phones. When we constantly fill the silence with internet clutter, we dig creativity’s grave. We need to open the windows and invite boredom and restlessness to sit with us. They will help us reach higher ground.
Sure, the idea of cathartically bashing your phone to pulp is almost orgasmic, but really, you just need to hit delete. Removing all channels of social media off your phone is an excellent way to invite boredom and restlessness back into your life. Like any addict knows, detox is a bitch. You might twitch, sweat and gain weight from the new grazing habit that you’ve developed, but trust me, it will be worth it. Why? You’ve been given the most coveted gift on the planet; more time. An extra four hours each day is a miracle. With all of this extra time, there are no excuses left to stifle the barbaric yawp that sits like a pipe bomb inside your chest.
Except that there are dishes to do, and the cats are now pissing outside the box because the litter hasn’t been changed in three days. You must resist the urge to sift. Just sit your restless ass down, pick up a pen (yes, a pen!!!!) and start writing. Or drawing. Or drumming.
Boredom offers a direct line to your inner sizzle; find it! The cat shit can wait.